This American tourist came over to Britain for a holiday. He was very interested in church architecture and had heard about the cathedrals in England.
On his first day out,he took himself off to Canterbury to take in the beauty of the cathedral and when he went inside he saw a golden telephone and a slot in the wall with a notice that said "Direct line to God-£10000"
He was impressed and on his second day went round St. Pauls,Southwark and Westminster-all said the same.
He took himself west and looked at Winchester,Salisbury and Exeter-direct line to God-£10000.
He was now very curious so he went up country-Wells,Coventry all the way up to Liverpool and Salford-all said the same.
More travels next day until he found himself in Wakefield. He went in and there was the golden telephone but with a notice that said "Direct line to God-30p.
He didn't know what to make of this so he collared the grave-digger and asked him why all over the country it was £10000 to talk to God but here it was only 30p.
The gravedigger said "You're in Yorkshire now lad,it's a local call."

Firstly, i apologize to our WM John,
Could'nt help myself mate, I read the joke and just thought to myself, "wonder what John E. would have to say about that", I'm awaiting the result. We have a tough Admin on this site, so be good.
Phil..

It would have been even cheaper west of the Pennines.
Syd.

LIKE I SAID BEFORE NOW'T WRONG WITH YORKSHIRE lovely views except it more cosmopolitan Phil ha ha lol hoy. Regards Doris

I hope your all broad minded because this is so funny - this could have happened in Yorkshire but it is a true story from USA

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. She took a deep breath and stood up boldly to face the crowd.
She looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who had been standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead

Sunbathing

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

boltonloco wrote:
It would have been even cheaper west of the Pennines.
Syd.

I could not agree with you more Syd.
Phil.

wendy wrote:


Sunbathing

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

Be you there were a lot of stiff necks that night!! Thanks Wendy!
Phil.

georgeslass wrote:
I hope your all broad minded because this is so funny - this could have happened in Yorkshire but it is a true story from USA

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. She took a deep breath and stood up boldly to face the crowd.
She looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who had been standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead
Very funny Bernice, i enjoyed that.
Last line should be,"and the womans husband passed his mechanics exam in record time. heehee. Or maybe, they should have a sign that states. PLEASE NO PLAYING WITH MY PARTS WHILE I'M FIXING YOURS!
Thankyou Bernice, I'm weeping here.
Phil.

Be you there were a lot of stiff necks that night!! Thanks Wendy!
Phil.
That's a very polite and discreet response.

They have now invented a new food that completely removes the sex drive in Women for good .Its called wedding cake.

hahahahahahah,........... If a man says something and his wife isnt there to hear him.......is he still wrong???.

aussie roy wrote:
Be you there were a lot of stiff necks that night!! Thanks Wendy!
Phil.
That's a very polite and discreet response.

I do appreciate that Roy, because the devil in me and the angel in me were scrapping it out for quite some time, I think I did good.
Phil.

This isn't really a joke as such but a saucy little ditty in limerick form that I rediscovered:-
"A taxi-cab whore out of Iver
Would do the round trip for a fiver.
Quite reasonable too,
For sightsee, a screw,
And a ten shilling tip for the driver."

aussie roy wrote:
This isn't really a joke as such but a saucy little ditty in limerick form that I rediscovered:-
"A taxi-cab whore out of Iver
Would do the round trip for a fiver.
Quite reasonable too,
For sightsee, a screw,
And a ten shilling tip for the driver."

Roy,
Got another one for you.

THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where
he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I
think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to
his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party
that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while
your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly,' No, I'm your son's teacher.
Bet that fella wanted to stop his heart immediately! Poor sod.
Phil.